Thursday, December 31, 2009

Should Should Should...

Only a couple of hours left in 2009.

I found this over at Romi Jade a few days ago, and a lot of it hit home. I thought I would share it here, as it is so relevant, particularly when so many people are making New Year's Resolutions.

The following is a direct copy of what I read at Romi Jade...

I just read this fantastic article in the current Good Health magazine and it has some really inspirational advice that I thought was worth sharing - so many of my friends (and myself included) deal with these issues and I thought this may help offer another perspective on things :)

The article is called Reach Your Goals and was written by Angela Donaldson, with advice from Dr John F. Demartini, human behavioural specialist (that sounds like such an interesting career!).

Here's a summary:

"Every individual lives by a set of priorities or values, things that are most important in their life. All our perceptions and decisions are based on these values." The reason we don't succeed in achieving our goals is that they are not aligned with these values. We often set regular goals that are unachievable and damaging, because we end up being hard on ourselves for failing.

'I should...'

  • Any time you hear yourself saying that you 'should' achieve a certain goal, it's not you talking. A 'should' is somebody else's value that has been forced into your life.
  • People who live with 'shoulds' can end up with health problems because it's not their own agenda they're working towards. They've got the brake on instead of pressing the accelerator.
  • You will recognise your highest values because there are no 'shoulds' about doing them. You don't need outside motivation to achieve them and you can always find energy to do them. This is because they are inspired from within.
  • You only need outside motivation when the goals you set come from a 'should', or if they're goals that are low on your list of values and priorities.
  • The life you are already living is the biggest indicator of your true values. So, if you say you really want to get fit but, on closer inspection, see that you don't do a scrap of exercise, then it's not among your highest values and it probably won't happen.
The secret to achieving your goals and transforming your life is to be TRUE to what you cherish most in life - it could be family, work, making money or spending time with others.

When you set goals according to your highest priorities, you'll be rewarded with more energy, vitality, confidence, certainty and purpose.

"You'll be doing what you love, you'll be inspired by your life, work more efficiently and give yourself permission to delegate items low on your priorities list, so you can get on with top priorities."

You can change your values..

..but you need to assign a massive list of benefits to that value. When you associate a benefit with a value or goal, the value will move up the list. We're motivated by rewards and if you can't come up with a big list, then it probably means you don't have the drive to do it.

"Quite simply, you feel you have better things to do!"

Anyway.. that's the main body of the article, the next section helps you work out what you value by asking 12 questions and writing down your top three answers for each. Then you group your answers into similar categories and are left with about four to seven main priorities - the primary values you live your life by. Then you just set your goals to match those values and you'll be on your way to honest fulfillment!

I'll post my answers to the questions tomorrow, along with my New Year's Resolutions.

For now, I'll just say "Happy New Year!"

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